Month: June 2010

I got a package in the mail today from Maggie’s Oncology Vet Hospital,  called Bay Area Veterinary Specialists or BAVS.  Mag had her amp surgery there and our Oncologist is there, Dr. Cecile Siedlecki.

I opened the package and found this book:

It is a book written to help children understand and cope with the loss of a dog. It is simply written with colorful illustrations.

When I opened the front cover I found this:

I took Mag to BAVS in March right after our regular vet diagnosed the melanoma tumor in her mouth.  We sat with  Cecile for close to a hour  discussing options and deciding on what, if any treatment to pursue.  Cecile has always been open and honest with me about Maggie’s cancers and treatments.  She was completely supportive of my decision not to aggressively treat the melanoma at that point in Maggie’s life.  After we were done talking Cecile took Mag in the back because she wanted to try and get a picture of the tumor in Mag’s mouth.  I thought that it was a little strange since we were not going to treat the cancer.   I now know that she wanted to get a picture of Mag for this book.  At that point we both knew that it was Mag’s last visit there.

In the book God makes biscuits for the dogs, and because he has a sense of humor he makes them in funny shapes.  He makes kitty-cat biscuits and squirrel biscuits and ham-sandwich biscuits.  My favorite are Ice-cream biscuits.

Today Tani turns 10, the first birthday she will celebrate without her big sister.  We reached the end of the Pug Girls era when I  let Mag go 3 weeks ago today.

On Maggie’s 11th birthday in March I started a post with pictures of Mag’s puppy hood called ‘Maggie- the early years‘  which took us right up to the point just before Tani came to live with us.  That was supposed to be my next post- “Who said I needed a little sister?”  It was John Lennon who said “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”

So now, three month later, I am posting a few pictures of the Pug Girls.

When Tani first came to live with us Maggie HATED her.  Whenever Tani touched her, even if just barley, Maggie would move away from her. Mag had been an only pug for her first two years, and I think in hindsight she was perfectly happy with that arrangement.  It was me, doing that silly human projection thing, thinking Mag was lonely.  After awhile Mag warmed up to Tani and the two kept each other company and they had lots of adventures together.

While the Girls always looked different to me, many could not tell them apart, especially when they were younger and both still very black.  Later on so many people didn’t notice that Mag was a tri-pug  that when I introduced them I stopped saying Mag was the three legged one and instead said she was the one with the gray face.

The girls being very pug like in 2001, Mag on left:

Romping at the lake in 2001, Mag on left:

Playing with sticks in my parent’s backyard 2001, Mag on left:

Frisbee! Mag on left (again):

In the pool in my back yard,  Mag on right:

Sharing a nap in 2002, Tani on top:

At the beach 2002, Mag in front:

The pug sleep train 2003, Tani in front:

At the beach in 2004, Tani in front:

Napping on the back of my parent’s couch 2004, Mag on right:

Sun drugged in my back yard 2004, Tani on right:

Sharing Mag’s stroller 2006, Mag on right:

Pug’s favorite past time 2007, Mag on right:

At the park 2007, Mag in front:

Barney, Mag and Tani at the park, 2010:

And here is one of the pug girls logos, the basis of the ‘ Mag Tag’:

This is Maggie’s little sister Tani:

Tani is almost 10 years old, and is missing her big sister.

We said good bye to Maggie two weeks ago and marked the occasion with a trip to the vet.  Just routine stuff, we got a little behind on Tani’s vaccinations over the past three months.

I am trying to decide how Tani is doing.  She has never in her life been an only dog for this long, her previous mark for being alone was six days.  For some parts of the day she seems fine, for some I am not so sure.  She is still very clingy most of the time, always right by me.  Then sometimes I don’t see her and after looking I find her laying somewhere where neither of them used to lay. Sometimes she looks sad to me, but that is probably me projecting my silly human emotions on her.

She tends to be very poky on walks- I told her the other day that she was slower than a three legged pug… but I’m not sure if she is missing Mag, sore, or just bored. Tani has her own host of medical issues, including arthritis in her back, epilepsy caused by hydrocephalus, inflammatory bowel disease, and the normal suite of pug stuff, including eye issues.  She actually does really well, if you didn’t know her history you would never suspect she has all these problems.  She is a happy girl who loves her squeaker toys and food.

Lots of thoughs and emotions over the past two weeks.  I really want to get them written, but when I sit down here my fingers don’t work so well.

So for now here are a couple of pictures from what turned out to be our last weekend together.

Sharing a stick at the park.

In the truck, ready to go home.

Periodically over the years during one dog crisis or another I found myself wishing that things would just get back to normal.  But what is normal?

It wasn’t until the morning after I let Maggie go that I realized how involved and time consuming our normal had become.  That morning it took me just 10 min to give Tani her pill and eye meds and feed her breakfast. Over the past three months Maggie’s breakfast routine had evolved into 30 min or more.  Getting pills in her, figuring out what she might eat on her own, syringe feeding her and cleaning her up.  And that was just breakfast, dinner was the same routine, and there were the sub-Q fluids every other day also.

Normal is really relative.  I had gotten so used to the marathon of meds and feeding that it became our norm.  I even had the alarm set 15 min earlier so I wouldn’t be too late for work.

When I think about it the state of normal is constantly changing for us. I have, after all, been owned by pugs for eleven years.  Here are some random thoughts about our ever evolving definition of normal.

When you have a pug it is normal if:

Your dogs go to the eye doctor more often than you do.

You have more business cards in your wallet for vets than your own doctors.

When you have a cancer or otherwise sick dog it is normal if:

There are more than 10 kinds of dog food, baby food, meat, and cheese in your refrigerator- all for the dog.

There are more meds and supplements for your dog than for you.

You do a load of wash per day when you are single and have no kids.

You cook more for your dog than you do for yourself.

You have to wear an apron when you feed your dog.

When you call the vets office you don’t have to give your name, they recognize your voice.

You track the amount of food you get into your dog by the teaspoon.

Part of the back room decor is a pole rigged to hang the bag of lactated ringers.

You shop in the incontinence aisle of the drug store before you turn 50.

All of your furniture makes crinkle sounds when you sit on it because it is lined with incontinence pads.

When you have a Tripawd it is normal if:

You don’t have just one throw rug as an accent piece on your hard floors; they are covered with a mish mash of rugs.

You have a stroller in the garage.

You ask for a discount at the groomer because there are only 12 nails to trim.

You can discuss the pros and cons of the Ruff Wear harness vs. the Help ‘em Up Harness vs. the AST Get A Grip Harness.

You consider ice cream the answer to all good news.

Now I have decided that a separate page is not the place to post about missing Maggie, I will do it here on her main page.  Here is what I wrote a couple of days ago:

I let Maggie go three days ago on Wednesday June 2, 2010.  I have been thinking about updating her blog and our signature in the forums, but I’m not up to it yet.

I thought I would start a new page in our blog to detail this new part of my life’s journey without Maggie.  I don’t know how long I will post on this page, but I wanted a separate place to talk about losing my companion of 11 years and how Tani and I are adapting.

When I got home with Tani on Wednesday night the house seemed quiet.  It was an odd feeling because it was never that noisy with both of the girls around.  I guess I was just feeling the void left by Maggie’s departure.  I immediately got rid of all of the bad stuff related to the last couple of months- I cleaned up the meds, got rid of the last bag of sub-Q fluids, and put away all the incontinence pads and rags I had strategically placed in all the rooms of the house.  I left her bowl, beds, and blankets out.  All of the toys remain too, Tani is the one who plays with most of them anyway.

Friday evening I took Tani for our first walk alone together since Maggie was recovering from her amp.  We ran into a couple of people we know at the park- well we know their dogs, I don’t know most of humans names.  One of them looked at me walking only with Tani and she said “oh no”, and gave me a hug.  Some things don’t need too many words.  She lost her long time companion in March to lymphoma and is now trying to get used to her new young dog.

I know I did the right thing by Maggie on Wednesday, but that knowledge does not make it any easier or less sad.  All that will fix this is time.

Here are a couple of pictures I took last weekend.  The quality is not great because I used my cell phone.

This is Maggie at the park on Sunday, May 30th:

Actually the grass is in focus, I guess I need more practice with the camera.

This is a picture of Maggie with the Mag Tag from the set of RENT.

I helped build the set at the local College and the designer let me put this up.  Read the story in the original forum post.